Remember the old song, "The cat's in the cradle..."? Well, right now, the cat's on the keyboard, so I may be even less articulate than usual, and with more typos. Tyrus, my chunky male cat, is very insistent on lovin' in the morning. I SAID he was male, right? He wants to be very near me and will not take either "No" or "Tyrus get down," for an answer. AG
That comment is drenched with as much sincerity as my husband saying, "Too bad Macy's just closed -- we're half an hour too late."
However, Susan has the ability to post cute cat pictures and it's beyond reasoning why she hasn't updated the baby pictures of Tyrus and Cocoa. (Watch this space for your fondest wish to be granted.)
Beautiful cat. In the cat food aisle of Walmart the other day, we ran into two ancient ladies calling themselves The Sassy Sisters who said they run a Cat Sanctuary with 50 cats and 10 indoor cats. They live in a somewhat sketchy are of Copa called Hidden Valley, way off the grid. They swore that each cat had a name and they all knew their names. My cats so far know one word: Churu. (For the non-cat fanciers, it is a little tube of what HAS to be catnip and fentanyl. they can hear it being opened and smell it from several rooms away and are helpless to resist). AG
I planted catnip near the entrance of my house. As it's a member of the mint family, it's very invasive. I have some now growing in my back yard - who knows how it got there? It re-seeds every year so you only really need to plant it once.
Try catmint also known as nepeta. It is not invasive. We don't have a cat now, but when we did, she used to lay on the plant and roll on it and it never harmed the plant. There are lots of varieties in various sizes and it is very pretty.
We had a cat exactly like Maggie. We rescued him from the parking lot of a restaurant when he was a kitten. He could have matched her pouch for pouch. He lived to be 23 years old and never had to rely on his pouch contents to keep him from starvation. He insisted on a little coffee every morning -- well, actually it was just a spoonful of half and half, hold the coffee.
MTG: When MT Cat 3 was small enough, he liked to sit on my lap alongside the computer. I've posted the pic with the meme "co-author" on TWIP a few times.
‘Get married, boy, and see how happy you will be.’
I’ve looked all over but no girly can I find,
who seems to be just like the little girl I have in mind.
I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old dad.
She was a pearl, and the only girl that daddy ever had.
A good old-fashioned girl with heart so true, one that loves nobody else but you.
I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old dad.
—-
Just where did I go wrong?
And I had no idea Ammo’s first husband was Marlon Brando in his Wild One days.
I love the new format, part column, part Friday in Pictures.
Ammo did not raise any girls. I did…one of them. We taught our daughter: “Never ride with a stranger.” On the first day of Kindergarten, I walked my girl to the bus stop, she got in and found a seat. I waved at the bus driver and my little girl was gone, flying off into the big wide world. A tear came to my eye.
Six hours later, busy at work, I got an urgent call from the school principal: “Mr. Petroski. Your daughter would not get on the bus. I have her here in my office.” I dropped everything and rushed to the school. It turned out the afternoon bus driver was a different guy than the morning bus driver and my daughter was just following the advice we'd given her. Not bad for a five-year-old!
That five-year-old attended Commenter Con Four with her husband.
For the fun of it I tested my wife against Ammo’s sound rules of thumb, her Warning Signs. My wife easily passed 1 through 7 with flying colors (and lack of colors in her hair). 8 was a bit dicey…my wife had maids in the household growing up but I thought, maybe someday I can afford a maid. Number 9…boy, not good “...does she order an appetizer, soup, salad, two drinks, the Surf ‘N Turf Combo with ‘Market Price’ on both the lobster and the 16 oz ribeye AND dessert?” Uh…yes…yes she did and does. But, again, I hoped one day that I could, in addition to having a maid, also have the means to take my wife out for dinner once a year or so. At least she doesn’t do drugs.
As always, the highlight of this or any other week, the column complete with memes from the ex-wife of Brando, a gal who’s tougher than the toughest commando, who's a famous comedian from Toronto all the way to Orlando, who, were she a crack-ho, would at least be an honest crack-ho, you know? We give thanks again for another gem from our beloved Mrs. Ammo Grrrll.
I was attending a machine embroidery class one day. During the class break, there was a store set up to buy different items that class attendees might wish to purchase.
I said to the lady next to me in the purchase line, "At least I don't drink. "
She responded, "I said that to my husband, and he said that I might be cheaper if I did."
I have wanted to learn to quilt for several years. When I mentioned it I was told to find a mentor, but never could. Now we live in a pretty small house and don't have the room for proper cutting or sewing.
I loved the story about your daughter and the school bus. It reminds me of similar interactions with my now 38 year old son. Unfortunately, he lives in California and we don’t see him much. We do have a grandchild coming in February so we do have a lot of quality grandparent time coming up.
As a newbie to the comments, but not to Ammo Grrrls fantastically funny commentary (PowerLine reader since 2003), I can only say that my son followed the list and except for the messiness my daughter-in-law is amazing. And like many young people I think it is more of a “there’s more important things right now” that is running through her very quirky but wicked smart brain. She also has brought two of the most beautiful and wicked smart grandchildren into this world and wants more. Perhaps an additional item on your list AG?
Well I did not expect to be first this morning. My wife of 30 + years exhibits none of Susan’s warning signs, but I forgot th missing one - she has (many, various, and emphatic) OPINIONS. Oh well, cant have everything
We cannot bring ourselves to get rid of our encyclopedia (I must be a faulty wife). We also have four dictionaries (including a Shorter Oxford’s given to me when I was nine & long treasured), two Complete Works of Shakespeare, nearly all of Dave Barry’s books, and a variety of sources of knowledge. Getting rid of books is just too difficult.
When we moved here to New Hampshire some 20 years ago, we came with (among many othings) 40 boxes of books. Most have not yet been unpacked because we have no shelving and whaat shelving we had, has been filled with books acquired since thhe move. And that doesn't count what's on the Kindle (currently some 953 books and 605 Audible books though there is an overlap between the two of about a dozen.)
We have a large nearly empty attic, where we will eventually either buy or build bookshelves so we can unpack (and curate) the collection. I really don't need my freshman Chemistry text anymore, I don't think. There are things that can go. But not the entire Foxfire set, or other treasures, including my not-yet-complete collection of Thomas Sowell's writings.
Louis—our house also has no encyclopedia, at least not for looking up answers to important questions such as, what are we doing tomorrow? or what are we having for dinner?
I have two one-volume encyclopedias around the house. One is "Electronics Designers Handbook" and the other is "CRC Handbook of Chemistry and Physics".
I have Guyton's "Textbook of Medical Physiology", (1986), 1056 pages. Most of my veterinary class bought it and it was akin to a bible of sorts.
Although it is a textbook on human physiology, most mammals are similar enough to humans that this tome is filled with valuable information on virtually every aspect of mammalian biology - apart from the glaring absence of ruminant gastro-enterology and the fascinating description of the mechanisms of four stomachs allowing cows to eat literally anything. Somewhat like the behavior of curious little boys.
This book is still useful. I recently used it to look up aspects of human embryology, which allowed me to post on social media the following:
" A growing fetus with male (XY) chromosomes begins to produce testosterone at 7 weeks of pregnancy. There is also a big flush of testosterone when a male fetus is born, which is what makes the testicles descend correctly into the scrotum. This hormone affects the bones, muscles, and nervous system and especially the brain.
"Don't even TRY to tell me this can be overcome with testosterone-suppressing drugs later in life to make him equivalent to a girl his age. He'll always be physically stronger in every way."
I never had time to study biology in college, and now regret that with all of my current medical issues. I bought a $6 used copy of Essential Clinical Anatomy by Moore and Agur to try to figure out what my doctors were talking about.
I looked on Amazon. Older editions of Guyton's "Textbook of Medical Physiology" are available used as low as $7 shipped.
We had an illustrated medical dictionary geared towards the general public. I was prone to leafing through it to diagnose some of my ailments. I happened to remember the photograph of a woman with a benign pituitary tumor. Her jaw had grown larger, as well as her hands and feet. The condition is called "acromegaly".
It turned out to be valuable information because my MIL's best friend came to visit and she was displaying some of the same symptoms. Her doctor had chalked up the changes to old age. Anyway, my MIL talked her into seeing a specialist who confirmed that she did suffer from acromegaly and he performed a successful surgery.
So that's one instance of a little knowledge not being dangerous.
I also did Tomahawk work on the New Jersey and the Wisconsin. I sailed across the Pacific on the Long Beach (CGN-9) and got to see the Missouri fire broadsides out at sea. Very few civilians alive today can say that.
I had a friend who never matched her socks up. She had a drawer of many colored socks and she'd just randomly grab two in the morning and they'd never match. She didn't care and for her it was easier than spending time sorting them out after the laundry was done. I'm a litlle to OCD to go that route.
Indeed, FC. Not only am I WAAAY too OCD, but think a minute how LONG it actually TAKES to mate socks -- 5 minutes? 3? What is she doing with that time that is more important? Oh well, our own son used to wear unmated socks as a teenager. I took that as an attempt we all made as teens to be "interesting". Or just plain laziness. AG
MTG: When I have my system going fully, I have only two kinds of socks: white and black, and only a couple of pair that are black. When a sock goes AWOL or lies holy on the field of honor, I set the spare aside. Like Zsa Zsa Gabor, I know it will soon have a mate.
No offense Louis but Monday night is game night at our house(bingo, Uno, Mex. Train, etc.) and 2nd place is known as 1st loser( it can get brutal). But you're still on the podium. This week's TWIP is still up for grabs.
You are performing a valuable public service not handing out "Participation Trophies" like gumdrops. Your children will thrive from the competition and learning to lose, if not graciously, at least secure in the knowledge that NEXT Monday could be their turn to gloat! AG
Magnificent column, Ammo Grrrll! This is one of your very best.
In my personal experience with dating, now more than 4 decades in the past, I met a number of women who were deeply disappointed in men in general, and(usually) in me in particular. I know I discussed my adventures (while you were writing for those guys on Powerline), when I took "Women and the Law" at GWU Law School in 1984, while I was on a sabbatical to get an LLM in Criminal Law, so I could teach ConLaw at the Army Judge Advocate General's School at UVA.
I only wish that I'd had seen the hotness vs. anger chart before I signed up for that class. It would have given me pause for sure. As it happened, my instructor was off the charts on the anger side (maybe a 25), and a .5 (I'm being generous, though ungentlemanly) on the hotness side. Suffice it to say that we did not get on well in that class.
I see her (figuratively) all the time when I watch Fox News videos of the spoiled, white women who are screaming at the ICE officers, who are just trying to do a difficult, dangerous job. The instructor personified the angry, unreasonable, lunatic, progressive woman.
Four and a half decades ago, the disappointed females like to claim that they were princesses, forced to kiss a legion of frogs before they found their prince (or, perhaps, other princess). From my perspective, the female population included their share of amphibians.
Ultimately, I snagged a true princess. 41 years later, I still realize my miraculous good fortune.
Great to see you up and around, out and about TonyP of the famed One, Seven Three.
I think a lot of men are blinded by the hotness side of the scale when they should pay more attention to the loon meter. And by the time the scales fall from their eyes, well...they are missing a rib. Or, in the case of the husband of Lorena Bobbitt, missing a bit more.
I do wish the commenters here on this Substack site could post photos because right here, I would post a photo of my ideal of womanhood, a delightful combination of good sense, beauty and twerking ability. Yes...I'm talking about Lizzo!
Wow! Let’s establish at the outset that Joe is still quite the handsome gentleman. But as to the picture of him around the time you two met, all I can say is “Oh, My!”
I am a lucky girl. Our Sages said that G-d has a harder time matching people up than He did parting the Red Sea. Sometimes Joe and I list all the things that had to happen -- historically and personally -- to put us in the same spot at the same time. The word in Hebrew is "beshert" -- or one's "Fated One". AG
AFG hubby and I were also miraculously brought together. I believe there are few, if any coincidences in life.
Oh, and I agree that your picture of young Max is stunning. Of course you couldn't resist him. But he picked you, too, which proves he's smart as well as good looking.
I had two thoughts when AG, er, ah, Susan wrote about how smart the Commentariat is even though no one individually knows everything but the Commentariat collectively knows just about everything about everything.
1) Yes that’s true! Amazing group here every week. In fact, the Commenters here are so smart it’s intimidating to think about attending a Commenter Con!
2) Her statement is true but I honestly, frequently think Max, er, ah, Joe is the smartest man I’ve ever known … every Thursday I’m amazed by what he knows!! He just might know everything 😀
Awwwww. how sweet, sir. And now Joe will be insufferable -- ladies asking to copy his photo and a very smart man asserting that he is the smartest man he has ever known. AG
Print away! I have a very large triple-matted picture in my office of Gary Cooper. Joe lets me have all the "boyfriends" I want as long as they are dead or fictional. I do also have a nice likeness of our former sheriff, Marc Lamb. Who, btw, would have made a MUCH better candidate against Kelly than Kari Lake. AG
I intended to say, no Susan, you are a lucky "lady"......of shady lane. Then I searched out the song (Mills Brothers, 1954) and my very weak brain got it wrong. It's NAUGHTY lady of shady lane, and for certain that is not you!
Lyrics are cute, but they describe SOMEBODY ELSE:
The naughty lady of Shady Lane
Has hit the town like a bomb
The back fence gossip ain't been this good
Since Mabel ran off with Tom
Our town was peaceful and quiet
Before she came on the scene
The lady has started a riot
Disturbing the suburban routine
The naughty lady of Shady Lane has the town in a whirl
Reminds my of my grandmother. She married Elmer, had my aunt, then dumped him to marry my biological grandfather Robert. After she had my father, she dumped him and went back and remarried Elmer. I guess she realized Elmer wasn't so bad after all. They remained married from 1930 to 1967 when Elmer died.
MTG: I'm inclined to believe God lined up sweetheart and me, but I am still a bit miffed that He waited so long to get it on the schedule. Worth waiting for? Of course, but still.
Two old guys were sitting on a park bench when 2 geritric women who were buck nekid came streaking past. One exclaimed "What the heck was that?" The other said "I don't know, but it needed ironing"
Then Sydney Sweeney ran by and the one guy said, "Wowser, does that put lead in your pencil?" The other guy sadly replied, "Well, I don't do much writing anymore."
LOL! I actually didn’t realize you were referring to yourself– – I thought you were talking about Mel Gibson. Who, by the way, has not aged nearly as well as Joe.
"Does she have hair in a color associated with Easter Eggs..."
OK, as I know from experience, don't read AmmoGrrl with coffee in your mouth. This line was particularly hilarious and could have caused brown stains on my pajama top had I coffee in mouth or hand upon reading the line.
My father's advice on finding a wife was to observe your girlfriend's mother. That is a good indication on how things will turn out in the long run. This was excellent advice. So not only was my future bride a total knock-out (still is), her mother managed her household well, was devoted to her husband (who was likewise devoted to her), loved God, and was very easy to get along with. After nearly 45 years, things worked out well as AmmoGrrl knows from the Christmas Card I sent her.
Wonderful stuff Susan. I am copying this down for my 5 grandsons.
This was my favorite line in the column: "Bear in mind that even that tasteful little rose at the top of her breast will one day be a long-stemmed rose down by her waist." I was mopping my keyboard after that one.
And then I thought: Dear Lord, where will the "Tiger" tramp-stamp end up after a few years?"
I am sensing a pent-up frustration in our inability/frustration about not being able to post pictures/memes and videos. If we are released some day, it might be a free-for-all? (Train wrecks, use of C4, Lizzo twerking, etc)
The phrase in today’s very funny AG column, “loving parents who never once suggested there was anything I could not TRY to do or achieve because I was a female. Though they were pretty sure Professional Basketball was not going to work out” reminds me of advice I gave when I was reaching. Often I interacted with students who were determined to “follow their passion”. It seems superficially correct, but if you are 5’8” (other than Spud Webb) and your passion is to play in the NBA, this passion will probably lead to disappointment and maybe a wasted life. My advice was first to “know thyself”. It applied to the many students I encountered who wanted to be medical doctors. I would ask them questions. “Are you are problem solver?” “Do you handle stress well?” “Are you good with your hands?” I had a memorable encounter with a pre-med, when I asked him why he wanted to be a medical doctor. The answer was that he heard “they made a lot of money”. I said, “if money is your goal, then learn to sell something, you will get a good income with less stress.”
(And sorry AG, but my amazing wife of 51 years is definitely a 4 crazy and 10 hot unicorn on the matrix. I’m always amazed and grateful that she chose this introverted nerd to be her life partner.)
I was a math grad student at UCSD, and had to teach large sessions in Calculus. I had nothing but troubles with most pre-meds. They would tell me they needed to get an "A" in Calculus so they could get into medical school. They would ask "what's the trick so I can get an A"? I would tell them to just learn the material: that it isn't all that difficult.
One burly pre-med threatened me at my office hours. He said he'd better get an "A" if I knew what was good for me. Then there was the gal. After the other students had left my office hours, she hung around. She was wearing a blouse with a long line of buttons down the front. Every time I turned around from the blackboard, one more button was undone.
"My advice was first to 'know thyself.'" Sound advice.
Like Ammo, I was told that "You can be anything you want to be." The coaches saying that also insisted we yutes "give 110%" of our effort. I think that 110% suggestion was the single biggest reason it took me two years to get through the seventh grade. I struggled with the concept.
"Know thyself" was the watchword of Apollo. How do I know? I heard it said by Peter O'Toole in the film "Goodbye Mr. Chips." And never forget the famous saying of Yogi Berra: "To thine old self, be true."
"Know thyself..." goes back to an oft-misused Shakespeare line. "This above all; to thine own self be true..." continues as "...it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man."
It's about honesty rather than pursuing one's dreams.
And, as you may see today, I also admire the hugely-talented Lizzo. She's a larger than life character. In fact, she's larger than the Milky Way Galaxy.
When I was in college, a guy named Lee Grant was applying to dental schools. I remember one sent him a block of some kind of plastic with instructions to carve out a replica of a human tooth. I guess they wanted to weed out the types who weren't handy right up front.
1) For her “emotional intelligence” means that when it comes to getting the right tattoo, it's “try-try-try” again. You see she's a big believer in resiliency,
2) She got her first tattoo in prison.
3) She has a complex and well-researched position on the Meghan-Princess Kate controversy, all properly cited, and depicted in an 89 slide PowerPoint deck
4) She wants to be a Tik Tock influencer
5) She says guys who think about the Roman Empire everyday are stupid as she believes the Assyrians were the bee's knees
6) She prefers her guns chambered in 9 mm and not .45 ACP. What a weirdo, this relationship will definitely not work.
7) When you drive by all the billboards on I-17 advertising divorce and accident lawyers, she tells you about her experience with each one.
8) All the clothes on the apartment's floor? They are all from different guys and they all have blood stains. Might want to look into this one more carefully.
9) When you talk about the “affordability crisis” she can totally relate as her budget is strained what with the rising cost of her psychiatrist and prescription co-pays
10) She wants you to get rid of your dog (or cat). If you do so, when you move on from this world to the next St. Peter will explain why there is a special place in Hell for you... and he means that literally
My wife and I met at school in the fencing club. I defended her honor in a duel (true, and somewhat long, story). After the bout (which I won) I saluted my vanquished opponent, the director, and then turned to unhook myself from the reel, and my wife was standing there with a big poop-eating grin. She then gave me a really big hug and, well, that was pretty much it for us both. Lots of ups/downs over the next 40 years (35 of them married) but with a beginning like that how could it not have worked?
Susan, I thought about sharing today's post with my wife. Fortunately, I cam to my senses and realized you have posted a psychological test for those of us men who have managed to stay married for longer than 2 years under cover of a comic column.
Grrrll, may this Friday's edition be carved in stone! Having a Fireman as a son, I am not surprised they would develop such a matrix for reference. I am fortunate that my girl is mostly none of those types you specifically described. It helps that she ignores most of my deficits and I do consider that the HAND of GOD arranged our first meeting, for which I am thankful on a daily basis...
What really bugs me are the signs that say "We believe in science ". You already know they don't, because science isn't something you "believe in", it's something useful and functional. It's like saying "In this house, we believe in windshield wipers."
Not gonna comment on the women thing. To quote GHWBush “ not gonna do it … wouldn’t be prudent “
As to jalapeños, however, I can attest. We grew many many acres of them and our employee safety training included instructions to wash their hands thoroughly BEFORE they used the restroom.
Those who failed to do so (happened a few times to both male and female pickers) became very effective reminders for the rest of the crew - and ended up having to take the day off.
MTG: I was essentially a bachelor for some seven years before sweetie and I married (I am discounting barracks life). I had an apartment and then a house and I had two cats. So I married without thinking that I was hiring a housekeeper. So we've both cooked and cleaned. But I do dry the line at yardwork. Sweetheart does flowerbeds and I handle the grass.
Glad I read Mel’s response before I jumped in. LOL. You guys are a hoot. With a Navy pilot husband who was on cruise for 6 months at a time, I did do THE grass but never “grass.” In fact, I picked out our lawn mower and weed eater at the time because I needed something I liked. Fortunately I was raised by a dad who never told me I couldn’t do anything and that’s worked out really well for us. We both just do what needs to be done although I’m pickier so I like the way I clean house better so I do most of that.
Coppola hired Brando for a huge sum - $3.5 million - to star in Apocalypse Now. Sight unseen. He was shocked when Brando showed up at his later in life huge size.
Remember the old song, "The cat's in the cradle..."? Well, right now, the cat's on the keyboard, so I may be even less articulate than usual, and with more typos. Tyrus, my chunky male cat, is very insistent on lovin' in the morning. I SAID he was male, right? He wants to be very near me and will not take either "No" or "Tyrus get down," for an answer. AG
Too bad we can't have pictures of cute cats here.
That comment is drenched with as much sincerity as my husband saying, "Too bad Macy's just closed -- we're half an hour too late."
However, Susan has the ability to post cute cat pictures and it's beyond reasoning why she hasn't updated the baby pictures of Tyrus and Cocoa. (Watch this space for your fondest wish to be granted.)
Okay, my Tech Wizard friend. I will send a few to the phone you never use, and you can post them wherever you think would be most appropriate. Thanks!
AG
The Week in Pictures on Powerline can make-up for the cat drought here.
Just as everybody loves a clown, all commenters love cats.
Oh yeah? Here's Maggie the moggie.
https://flic.kr/p/2gBatka
Beautiful cat. In the cat food aisle of Walmart the other day, we ran into two ancient ladies calling themselves The Sassy Sisters who said they run a Cat Sanctuary with 50 cats and 10 indoor cats. They live in a somewhat sketchy are of Copa called Hidden Valley, way off the grid. They swore that each cat had a name and they all knew their names. My cats so far know one word: Churu. (For the non-cat fanciers, it is a little tube of what HAS to be catnip and fentanyl. they can hear it being opened and smell it from several rooms away and are helpless to resist). AG
I planted catnip near the entrance of my house. As it's a member of the mint family, it's very invasive. I have some now growing in my back yard - who knows how it got there? It re-seeds every year so you only really need to plant it once.
Try catmint also known as nepeta. It is not invasive. We don't have a cat now, but when we did, she used to lay on the plant and roll on it and it never harmed the plant. There are lots of varieties in various sizes and it is very pretty.
Maggie is quite a lovely gal! Beautiful markings.
Maggie has quite an impressive primordial pouch!
She was 5 years old when I adopted her from the shelter.
We had a cat exactly like Maggie. We rescued him from the parking lot of a restaurant when he was a kitten. He could have matched her pouch for pouch. He lived to be 23 years old and never had to rely on his pouch contents to keep him from starvation. He insisted on a little coffee every morning -- well, actually it was just a spoonful of half and half, hold the coffee.
Shush, Tony, be careful what you ask for!
sounds like the real .. giant .. Tyrus ...Gutfelds introductions are a hoot ..
“He wants to be very near me and will not take either "No" or "Tyrus get down," for an answer.”
So he’s a successful graduate of Cat School. Love the name, BTW.
MTG: When MT Cat 3 was small enough, he liked to sit on my lap alongside the computer. I've posted the pic with the meme "co-author" on TWIP a few times.
Name him Tyrus, and what do you expect?
Not that cats ever pay attention to their names. . .
(Cue: Al Jolson)
“When I was a boy, my mother often said to me,
‘Get married, boy, and see how happy you will be.’
I’ve looked all over but no girly can I find,
who seems to be just like the little girl I have in mind.
I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old dad.
She was a pearl, and the only girl that daddy ever had.
A good old-fashioned girl with heart so true, one that loves nobody else but you.
I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old dad.
—-
Just where did I go wrong?
And I had no idea Ammo’s first husband was Marlon Brando in his Wild One days.
I love the new format, part column, part Friday in Pictures.
Ammo did not raise any girls. I did…one of them. We taught our daughter: “Never ride with a stranger.” On the first day of Kindergarten, I walked my girl to the bus stop, she got in and found a seat. I waved at the bus driver and my little girl was gone, flying off into the big wide world. A tear came to my eye.
Six hours later, busy at work, I got an urgent call from the school principal: “Mr. Petroski. Your daughter would not get on the bus. I have her here in my office.” I dropped everything and rushed to the school. It turned out the afternoon bus driver was a different guy than the morning bus driver and my daughter was just following the advice we'd given her. Not bad for a five-year-old!
That five-year-old attended Commenter Con Four with her husband.
For the fun of it I tested my wife against Ammo’s sound rules of thumb, her Warning Signs. My wife easily passed 1 through 7 with flying colors (and lack of colors in her hair). 8 was a bit dicey…my wife had maids in the household growing up but I thought, maybe someday I can afford a maid. Number 9…boy, not good “...does she order an appetizer, soup, salad, two drinks, the Surf ‘N Turf Combo with ‘Market Price’ on both the lobster and the 16 oz ribeye AND dessert?” Uh…yes…yes she did and does. But, again, I hoped one day that I could, in addition to having a maid, also have the means to take my wife out for dinner once a year or so. At least she doesn’t do drugs.
As always, the highlight of this or any other week, the column complete with memes from the ex-wife of Brando, a gal who’s tougher than the toughest commando, who's a famous comedian from Toronto all the way to Orlando, who, were she a crack-ho, would at least be an honest crack-ho, you know? We give thanks again for another gem from our beloved Mrs. Ammo Grrrll.
We did, indeed, meet your beautiful daughter and her husband at CC4. Smart, sweet AND lovely -- the apple doesn't fall far from the tree! AG
Why thank you very much Mrs. Grrrll.
I'll make sure Tamiko and my son-in-law Jordan read this.
My brother Jack used to say: "The acorn never falls too far from the apple tree."
My mother used to say, referring to Jack, "He ain't the sharpest knife on the tree."
I was attending a machine embroidery class one day. During the class break, there was a store set up to buy different items that class attendees might wish to purchase.
I said to the lady next to me in the purchase line, "At least I don't drink. "
She responded, "I said that to my husband, and he said that I might be cheaper if I did."
As a quilter, I can relate. I refer to it as the money I never spent on cigarettes.
I have wanted to learn to quilt for several years. When I mentioned it I was told to find a mentor, but never could. Now we live in a pretty small house and don't have the room for proper cutting or sewing.
Quilt store often have beginner classes. Check around. It is worth it. If you have a kitchen table, you can quilt. 🙂
I loved the story about your daughter and the school bus. It reminds me of similar interactions with my now 38 year old son. Unfortunately, he lives in California and we don’t see him much. We do have a grandchild coming in February so we do have a lot of quality grandparent time coming up.
A grandchild. You are blessed John.
Tony, I trust that your wife doesn’t read the comments…. 😂
If she does, I hope your sofa’s comfortable!
Try Shop Around by the Miracles, or First I Look at the Purse by the Contours.
I haven’t heard that song sung by anyone else except my Dad. One of his favorites—all maudlin songs about lost love.
My dad used to sing that song, too.
As a newbie to the comments, but not to Ammo Grrrls fantastically funny commentary (PowerLine reader since 2003), I can only say that my son followed the list and except for the messiness my daughter-in-law is amazing. And like many young people I think it is more of a “there’s more important things right now” that is running through her very quirky but wicked smart brain. She also has brought two of the most beautiful and wicked smart grandchildren into this world and wants more. Perhaps an additional item on your list AG?
Well I did not expect to be first this morning. My wife of 30 + years exhibits none of Susan’s warning signs, but I forgot th missing one - she has (many, various, and emphatic) OPINIONS. Oh well, cant have everything
Oh, and I forgot. Like most husbands, I have been able to get rid of our encyclopedia, because my wife knows everything
Louis. You have the makings of a comic.
We cannot bring ourselves to get rid of our encyclopedia (I must be a faulty wife). We also have four dictionaries (including a Shorter Oxford’s given to me when I was nine & long treasured), two Complete Works of Shakespeare, nearly all of Dave Barry’s books, and a variety of sources of knowledge. Getting rid of books is just too difficult.
"It's not hoarding if it's books. Even if they find your corpse under the pile, it was not hoarding if it was books."
Agreed 100%. But, still...I do not envy our only child's tasks when we pass. I feel we should make at least a feeble effort! AG
When we moved here to New Hampshire some 20 years ago, we came with (among many othings) 40 boxes of books. Most have not yet been unpacked because we have no shelving and whaat shelving we had, has been filled with books acquired since thhe move. And that doesn't count what's on the Kindle (currently some 953 books and 605 Audible books though there is an overlap between the two of about a dozen.)
We have a large nearly empty attic, where we will eventually either buy or build bookshelves so we can unpack (and curate) the collection. I really don't need my freshman Chemistry text anymore, I don't think. There are things that can go. But not the entire Foxfire set, or other treasures, including my not-yet-complete collection of Thomas Sowell's writings.
You should come to our house—but tread carefully; the shelves are not too carefully stacked.
Louis—our house also has no encyclopedia, at least not for looking up answers to important questions such as, what are we doing tomorrow? or what are we having for dinner?
How many of us play this game?
"What do you want to watch on TV tonight?"
"What do you want to watch on TV?"
"I asked first. Now it's your problem."
And we all know The Ritual:
"What's wrong, dear?"
"Nothing." In that venomous, icy tone that gives one to know that something is indeed wrong.
I have two one-volume encyclopedias around the house. One is "Electronics Designers Handbook" and the other is "CRC Handbook of Chemistry and Physics".
Dennis: I bet I've got you beat.
I have Guyton's "Textbook of Medical Physiology", (1986), 1056 pages. Most of my veterinary class bought it and it was akin to a bible of sorts.
Although it is a textbook on human physiology, most mammals are similar enough to humans that this tome is filled with valuable information on virtually every aspect of mammalian biology - apart from the glaring absence of ruminant gastro-enterology and the fascinating description of the mechanisms of four stomachs allowing cows to eat literally anything. Somewhat like the behavior of curious little boys.
This book is still useful. I recently used it to look up aspects of human embryology, which allowed me to post on social media the following:
" A growing fetus with male (XY) chromosomes begins to produce testosterone at 7 weeks of pregnancy. There is also a big flush of testosterone when a male fetus is born, which is what makes the testicles descend correctly into the scrotum. This hormone affects the bones, muscles, and nervous system and especially the brain.
"Don't even TRY to tell me this can be overcome with testosterone-suppressing drugs later in life to make him equivalent to a girl his age. He'll always be physically stronger in every way."
I never had time to study biology in college, and now regret that with all of my current medical issues. I bought a $6 used copy of Essential Clinical Anatomy by Moore and Agur to try to figure out what my doctors were talking about.
I looked on Amazon. Older editions of Guyton's "Textbook of Medical Physiology" are available used as low as $7 shipped.
We had an illustrated medical dictionary geared towards the general public. I was prone to leafing through it to diagnose some of my ailments. I happened to remember the photograph of a woman with a benign pituitary tumor. Her jaw had grown larger, as well as her hands and feet. The condition is called "acromegaly".
It turned out to be valuable information because my MIL's best friend came to visit and she was displaying some of the same symptoms. Her doctor had chalked up the changes to old age. Anyway, my MIL talked her into seeing a specialist who confirmed that she did suffer from acromegaly and he performed a successful surgery.
So that's one instance of a little knowledge not being dangerous.
All men who have grown taller than 8 feet have had acromegaly.
Congress should have asked you to testify, Bonnie!
Sadly, I was never a true engineer at heart. I got rid of all those old textbooks from college. Now I am a history buff...who'da thought?
I became a history buff working on the Missouri and the Midway.
Pretty sure I told you earlier that I observed the New Jersey letting loose over us in 1968. Fantastic "boat".
Ol' Mel
I also did Tomahawk work on the New Jersey and the Wisconsin. I sailed across the Pacific on the Long Beach (CGN-9) and got to see the Missouri fire broadsides out at sea. Very few civilians alive today can say that.
The CRC. Invaluable.
Opinions are like socks. We all have a number of them and some are in better shape than others.
Some theories definitely have holes in them, but let's leave the Democrats out of sock talk.
Do yours actually come out of the dryer in pairs? I wear long pants to cover up the fact that my socks often don't match.
Ol' Mel
I had a friend who never matched her socks up. She had a drawer of many colored socks and she'd just randomly grab two in the morning and they'd never match. She didn't care and for her it was easier than spending time sorting them out after the laundry was done. I'm a litlle to OCD to go that route.
Indeed, FC. Not only am I WAAAY too OCD, but think a minute how LONG it actually TAKES to mate socks -- 5 minutes? 3? What is she doing with that time that is more important? Oh well, our own son used to wear unmated socks as a teenager. I took that as an attempt we all made as teens to be "interesting". Or just plain laziness. AG
MTG: When I have my system going fully, I have only two kinds of socks: white and black, and only a couple of pair that are black. When a sock goes AWOL or lies holy on the field of honor, I set the spare aside. Like Zsa Zsa Gabor, I know it will soon have a mate.
You opened the door for this one: Opinions are like __________. Everybody has one and most of them stink...
And everyone's stinks but mine, was the way I heard it.
I also heard AG's definition of beshart meaning fated one a bit differently as well
Also "armpits". But I have way more opinions than I have of the usual anatomical allegories.
And then it turns out that I am not, after all, first. Welcome, CReed!
No offense Louis but Monday night is game night at our house(bingo, Uno, Mex. Train, etc.) and 2nd place is known as 1st loser( it can get brutal). But you're still on the podium. This week's TWIP is still up for grabs.
You are performing a valuable public service not handing out "Participation Trophies" like gumdrops. Your children will thrive from the competition and learning to lose, if not graciously, at least secure in the knowledge that NEXT Monday could be their turn to gloat! AG
The competition-79, 76, 36, 22, and 12. We hand out sarcasm, not trophies.
Our competition-83, 82, 57, 55, 52. We sit in our easy chairs/sofas watching movies and complaining about our aches, pains and meds!
Reminds me of the Family Arrives scene:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddPPFvmffP0
Is there a Cousin Eddie in your family?
That sounds like an Organ Recital.
Hey there Louis my All-American friend. Greetings to your lovely bride. Does she have strong opinions? Hmm. She never expressed any of them to me.
Magnificent column, Ammo Grrrll! This is one of your very best.
In my personal experience with dating, now more than 4 decades in the past, I met a number of women who were deeply disappointed in men in general, and(usually) in me in particular. I know I discussed my adventures (while you were writing for those guys on Powerline), when I took "Women and the Law" at GWU Law School in 1984, while I was on a sabbatical to get an LLM in Criminal Law, so I could teach ConLaw at the Army Judge Advocate General's School at UVA.
I only wish that I'd had seen the hotness vs. anger chart before I signed up for that class. It would have given me pause for sure. As it happened, my instructor was off the charts on the anger side (maybe a 25), and a .5 (I'm being generous, though ungentlemanly) on the hotness side. Suffice it to say that we did not get on well in that class.
I see her (figuratively) all the time when I watch Fox News videos of the spoiled, white women who are screaming at the ICE officers, who are just trying to do a difficult, dangerous job. The instructor personified the angry, unreasonable, lunatic, progressive woman.
Four and a half decades ago, the disappointed females like to claim that they were princesses, forced to kiss a legion of frogs before they found their prince (or, perhaps, other princess). From my perspective, the female population included their share of amphibians.
Ultimately, I snagged a true princess. 41 years later, I still realize my miraculous good fortune.
A definite princess, but tough as nails, smart as a whip, AND a spectacular cook! AG
You and TonyP have me blushing.....I too have been blessed that that dashing young soldier who jumped from airplanes snagged me right up!
Plus, you dressed up real nice as the "blue lady" at CC3. Standing right next to your beloved "Abe Lincoln"!
Ol' Mel
I have a photo of that, but can't post it here (I think).
The kindest word in Susan's column was "sturdy."
Great to see you up and around, out and about TonyP of the famed One, Seven Three.
I think a lot of men are blinded by the hotness side of the scale when they should pay more attention to the loon meter. And by the time the scales fall from their eyes, well...they are missing a rib. Or, in the case of the husband of Lorena Bobbitt, missing a bit more.
I do wish the commenters here on this Substack site could post photos because right here, I would post a photo of my ideal of womanhood, a delightful combination of good sense, beauty and twerking ability. Yes...I'm talking about Lizzo!
Lizzo's Christmas photo is still printing.
I'm not surprised Trace. Lizzo is a whole lot of woman.
But, but, but....she really has lost a lot of weight:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3WP9jAeKOM
The interview begins with Lizzo saying "I'm just me. The world is ready for self-love."
She's got a point. Woody Allen once said he would only have sex with someone he loved...himself.
Wow! Let’s establish at the outset that Joe is still quite the handsome gentleman. But as to the picture of him around the time you two met, all I can say is “Oh, My!”
I am a lucky girl. Our Sages said that G-d has a harder time matching people up than He did parting the Red Sea. Sometimes Joe and I list all the things that had to happen -- historically and personally -- to put us in the same spot at the same time. The word in Hebrew is "beshert" -- or one's "Fated One". AG
AFG hubby and I were also miraculously brought together. I believe there are few, if any coincidences in life.
Oh, and I agree that your picture of young Max is stunning. Of course you couldn't resist him. But he picked you, too, which proves he's smart as well as good looking.
You’re right AFG.
He’s definitely smart.
I had two thoughts when AG, er, ah, Susan wrote about how smart the Commentariat is even though no one individually knows everything but the Commentariat collectively knows just about everything about everything.
1) Yes that’s true! Amazing group here every week. In fact, the Commenters here are so smart it’s intimidating to think about attending a Commenter Con!
2) Her statement is true but I honestly, frequently think Max, er, ah, Joe is the smartest man I’ve ever known … every Thursday I’m amazed by what he knows!! He just might know everything 😀
What a couple - Susan and Joe - eh?!?!
Awwwww. how sweet, sir. And now Joe will be insufferable -- ladies asking to copy his photo and a very smart man asserting that he is the smartest man he has ever known. AG
Is insufferabler a word?
Should we give him the moniker AIJoe?
Ol' Mel
YOWZA! would it be creepy if I printed out a copy of that photo of Joe and pinned it up in my studio? Inspiration would surely follow.
my own sweetheart has blue eyes and dimples and when I laid eyes on him 49 years ago, my only thought was "dibs".
Print away! I have a very large triple-matted picture in my office of Gary Cooper. Joe lets me have all the "boyfriends" I want as long as they are dead or fictional. I do also have a nice likeness of our former sheriff, Marc Lamb. Who, btw, would have made a MUCH better candidate against Kelly than Kari Lake. AG
Heard Marc Lamb recently on Joe Pags's radio show. He's going to run for Congress. Impressive fellow!
I intended to say, no Susan, you are a lucky "lady"......of shady lane. Then I searched out the song (Mills Brothers, 1954) and my very weak brain got it wrong. It's NAUGHTY lady of shady lane, and for certain that is not you!
Lyrics are cute, but they describe SOMEBODY ELSE:
The naughty lady of Shady Lane
Has hit the town like a bomb
The back fence gossip ain't been this good
Since Mabel ran off with Tom
Our town was peaceful and quiet
Before she came on the scene
The lady has started a riot
Disturbing the suburban routine
The naughty lady of Shady Lane has the town in a whirl
The naughty lady of Shady Lane
Me, oh my, oh what a girl
You should see how she carries on
With her admirers galore
She must be giving them quite a thrill
The way they flock to her door
She throws those come hither glances
At every Tom, Dick and Joe
When offered some liquid refreshment
The lady never never says no
The things they're trying to pin on her
Won't hold much water, I'm sure
Beneath the powder and fancy lace
There beats a heart sweet and pure
She just needs someone to change her
Then she'll be nice as can be
If you're in the neighborhood, stranger
You're welcome to drop in and see
Good morning Mel.
Do you know the name of the Naughty Lady of Shady Lane? I do:
Lizzo. Lizzo is a nine on the hot scale and a 2 on the loon meter, the ideal helpmate for any deserving man.
I think you have your x and y axes reversed regarding Lizzo's attributes.
More like his cones and rods.
Reminds my of my grandmother. She married Elmer, had my aunt, then dumped him to marry my biological grandfather Robert. After she had my father, she dumped him and went back and remarried Elmer. I guess she realized Elmer wasn't so bad after all. They remained married from 1930 to 1967 when Elmer died.
MTG: I'm inclined to believe God lined up sweetheart and me, but I am still a bit miffed that He waited so long to get it on the schedule. Worth waiting for? Of course, but still.
Ahhh. Geoff. Is it Valentine's Day already?
I have now discerned that Susan's husband is three people: Joe, Joe Max and Max. Maybe one of them is the famous author.
Check with Nate Bargatze at the airport about this point.
One of my favorite bits he does for sure. YouTube it and it will make your day.
AG
What fun it would be if only we could post pics of Brando, James Dean, Robert Redford, Elvis, and ID them as AG's former boyfriends!
Ol' Mel
Although I think Susan did all right. The guy in that picture certainly can hold a candle to Ol Mel!
My goodness, YES! He was super handsome then AND is now. I'm not that much older, but I am experiencing wrinkles within my wrinkles...yuk!
Ol' Mel
Two old guys were sitting on a park bench when 2 geritric women who were buck nekid came streaking past. One exclaimed "What the heck was that?" The other said "I don't know, but it needed ironing"
Two fellows were drinking in a bar. Bill nudged Tim and said, "See those two geezers? Are we going to end up like them?"
Tim nudged Bill. "That's a mirror."
(Seen on the Internet only yesterday.)
Then Sydney Sweeney ran by and the one guy said, "Wowser, does that put lead in your pencil?" The other guy sadly replied, "Well, I don't do much writing anymore."
I fear if our Sydney were RUNNING she might accidentally knock herself out...AG
You never miss.
The wrinkles, along with the knee length rose tatoos. give me writer’s block.
LOL! I actually didn’t realize you were referring to yourself– – I thought you were talking about Mel Gibson. Who, by the way, has not aged nearly as well as Joe.
Gibson is just a young buck of 70. But at $425M net worth he could fund a really nice CC5 somewhere!
Ol' Mel
"Does she have hair in a color associated with Easter Eggs..."
OK, as I know from experience, don't read AmmoGrrl with coffee in your mouth. This line was particularly hilarious and could have caused brown stains on my pajama top had I coffee in mouth or hand upon reading the line.
My father's advice on finding a wife was to observe your girlfriend's mother. That is a good indication on how things will turn out in the long run. This was excellent advice. So not only was my future bride a total knock-out (still is), her mother managed her household well, was devoted to her husband (who was likewise devoted to her), loved God, and was very easy to get along with. After nearly 45 years, things worked out well as AmmoGrrl knows from the Christmas Card I sent her.
Wonderful stuff Susan. I am copying this down for my 5 grandsons.
Hey there Brian.
This was my favorite line in the column: "Bear in mind that even that tasteful little rose at the top of her breast will one day be a long-stemmed rose down by her waist." I was mopping my keyboard after that one.
And then I thought: Dear Lord, where will the "Tiger" tramp-stamp end up after a few years?"
I can imagine where the tiger tat would end up and can only say you don't want to see the eye of that tiger.
Rocky III.
"It's the eye of the tiger it's the thrill of the fight,
standing-up to the challenge of our rivals.
And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night
and he's watching...that tramp stamp."
I always liked that song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btPJPFnesV4&list=RDbtPJPFnesV4&start_radio=1
Tony,
I am sensing a pent-up frustration in our inability/frustration about not being able to post pictures/memes and videos. If we are released some day, it might be a free-for-all? (Train wrecks, use of C4, Lizzo twerking, etc)
Ol' Mel
Next to the missing Lizzo photos and twerking videos I think I miss the train wrecks the most.
Here's a good half hour of neat wrecks for ya, my friend:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4I-zsfhlX3s
Mel. That's mighty thoughtful of you.
Thanks. I'll be watching.
Where else? In a Burmese tiger trap. (Road Runner cartoon identified the Burmese tiger as Surprisibus Surprisibus.)
The phrase in today’s very funny AG column, “loving parents who never once suggested there was anything I could not TRY to do or achieve because I was a female. Though they were pretty sure Professional Basketball was not going to work out” reminds me of advice I gave when I was reaching. Often I interacted with students who were determined to “follow their passion”. It seems superficially correct, but if you are 5’8” (other than Spud Webb) and your passion is to play in the NBA, this passion will probably lead to disappointment and maybe a wasted life. My advice was first to “know thyself”. It applied to the many students I encountered who wanted to be medical doctors. I would ask them questions. “Are you are problem solver?” “Do you handle stress well?” “Are you good with your hands?” I had a memorable encounter with a pre-med, when I asked him why he wanted to be a medical doctor. The answer was that he heard “they made a lot of money”. I said, “if money is your goal, then learn to sell something, you will get a good income with less stress.”
(And sorry AG, but my amazing wife of 51 years is definitely a 4 crazy and 10 hot unicorn on the matrix. I’m always amazed and grateful that she chose this introverted nerd to be her life partner.)
I was a math grad student at UCSD, and had to teach large sessions in Calculus. I had nothing but troubles with most pre-meds. They would tell me they needed to get an "A" in Calculus so they could get into medical school. They would ask "what's the trick so I can get an A"? I would tell them to just learn the material: that it isn't all that difficult.
One burly pre-med threatened me at my office hours. He said he'd better get an "A" if I knew what was good for me. Then there was the gal. After the other students had left my office hours, she hung around. She was wearing a blouse with a long line of buttons down the front. Every time I turned around from the blackboard, one more button was undone.
I hope neither of those two ever became doctors.
"Professor, I just have to get a good grade in your class. I'll do anything!"
"You will?" replies with a leer.
"Anything," she says, one button open and her eyes downcast.
"Will you...will you...study?"
That was similar to that great opening scene in "The Eiger Sanction." Clint Eastwood fabulously made the scene work.
Clint makes most scenes work (fabulously).
Ha ha. I suspect one is an MD working for the FDA and the other a small town OB/GYN.
She might be a gender affirmation surgeon.
Good morning Professor.
"My advice was first to 'know thyself.'" Sound advice.
Like Ammo, I was told that "You can be anything you want to be." The coaches saying that also insisted we yutes "give 110%" of our effort. I think that 110% suggestion was the single biggest reason it took me two years to get through the seventh grade. I struggled with the concept.
"Know thyself" was the watchword of Apollo. How do I know? I heard it said by Peter O'Toole in the film "Goodbye Mr. Chips." And never forget the famous saying of Yogi Berra: "To thine old self, be true."
"Know thyself..." goes back to an oft-misused Shakespeare line. "This above all; to thine own self be true..." continues as "...it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man."
It's about honesty rather than pursuing one's dreams.
Tony—you never fail to bring Yogi Berra into any conversation. He must be one of your heroes. Well done.
Yogi Berra is one of my heroes, from D-Day to Cooperstown. "Nobody goes there anymore, it's too crowded!"
Yogi is, of course, one of my heroes.
So is the great Hayek (Friedrich, not Salma).
And, as you may see today, I also admire the hugely-talented Lizzo. She's a larger than life character. In fact, she's larger than the Milky Way Galaxy.
“Are you good with your hands?”
When I was in college, a guy named Lee Grant was applying to dental schools. I remember one sent him a block of some kind of plastic with instructions to carve out a replica of a human tooth. I guess they wanted to weed out the types who weren't handy right up front.
If he could that carving, he’d be a good orthodontist.
1) For her “emotional intelligence” means that when it comes to getting the right tattoo, it's “try-try-try” again. You see she's a big believer in resiliency,
2) She got her first tattoo in prison.
3) She has a complex and well-researched position on the Meghan-Princess Kate controversy, all properly cited, and depicted in an 89 slide PowerPoint deck
4) She wants to be a Tik Tock influencer
5) She says guys who think about the Roman Empire everyday are stupid as she believes the Assyrians were the bee's knees
6) She prefers her guns chambered in 9 mm and not .45 ACP. What a weirdo, this relationship will definitely not work.
7) When you drive by all the billboards on I-17 advertising divorce and accident lawyers, she tells you about her experience with each one.
8) All the clothes on the apartment's floor? They are all from different guys and they all have blood stains. Might want to look into this one more carefully.
9) When you talk about the “affordability crisis” she can totally relate as her budget is strained what with the rising cost of her psychiatrist and prescription co-pays
10) She wants you to get rid of your dog (or cat). If you do so, when you move on from this world to the next St. Peter will explain why there is a special place in Hell for you... and he means that literally
Btw... the cat is still here and she's long gone.
Very very funny, Anon! Thanks for contributing! AG
My wife and I met at school in the fencing club. I defended her honor in a duel (true, and somewhat long, story). After the bout (which I won) I saluted my vanquished opponent, the director, and then turned to unhook myself from the reel, and my wife was standing there with a big poop-eating grin. She then gave me a really big hug and, well, that was pretty much it for us both. Lots of ups/downs over the next 40 years (35 of them married) but with a beginning like that how could it not have worked?
Sounds like a great story behind that duel (maybe we’ll read it someday?).
Congrats on your wonderful marriage!
What, no sword fights with her?
Ol' Mel
No way! She was a much better than me and would kick my butt!!!
Considering she's got a sword, I'd say getting kicked in the behind was the better option.
Susan, I thought about sharing today's post with my wife. Fortunately, I cam to my senses and realized you have posted a psychological test for those of us men who have managed to stay married for longer than 2 years under cover of a comic column.
"Love is that short period of time when someone else holds the same opinion of us as we do of ourselves."
Anonymous
It has the flavor of Ambrose Bierce.
Could be. I pulled it from a great article I read on aphorisms and do not remember the author referencing the originator.
Is your comment a cryptic clue about Bierce's mysterious disappearance?
Grrrll, may this Friday's edition be carved in stone! Having a Fireman as a son, I am not surprised they would develop such a matrix for reference. I am fortunate that my girl is mostly none of those types you specifically described. It helps that she ignores most of my deficits and I do consider that the HAND of GOD arranged our first meeting, for which I am thankful on a daily basis...
The people with the "hate has no home here" yard signs are among the most fervent haters.
What really bugs me are the signs that say "We believe in science ". You already know they don't, because science isn't something you "believe in", it's something useful and functional. It's like saying "In this house, we believe in windshield wipers."
Watch Josh Hawley grill a progressive doctor as to whether men can get pregnant:
https://youtu.be/kJFuhgeNbSE
this is what the progs call educated .. SMHV
Well, I do believe in windshield wipers. But not much else.
Not gonna comment on the women thing. To quote GHWBush “ not gonna do it … wouldn’t be prudent “
As to jalapeños, however, I can attest. We grew many many acres of them and our employee safety training included instructions to wash their hands thoroughly BEFORE they used the restroom.
Those who failed to do so (happened a few times to both male and female pickers) became very effective reminders for the rest of the crew - and ended up having to take the day off.
"We have gone [insert days] days without a jalapeno outhouse incident."
As I found out after encountered a very strong Asian pepper. . .
I had a big laugh at #7. My dad always said that my mother couldn’t cook at all when they got married…and he didn’t care one bit!
She turned out to be a fabulous cook (and met almost all the other criteria.)
MTG: I was essentially a bachelor for some seven years before sweetie and I married (I am discounting barracks life). I had an apartment and then a house and I had two cats. So I married without thinking that I was hiring a housekeeper. So we've both cooked and cleaned. But I do dry the line at yardwork. Sweetheart does flowerbeds and I handle the grass.
Glad I read Mel’s response before I jumped in. LOL. You guys are a hoot. With a Navy pilot husband who was on cruise for 6 months at a time, I did do THE grass but never “grass.” In fact, I picked out our lawn mower and weed eater at the time because I needed something I liked. Fortunately I was raised by a dad who never told me I couldn’t do anything and that’s worked out really well for us. We both just do what needs to be done although I’m pickier so I like the way I clean house better so I do most of that.
No, you MTG - doing grass? I had no idea! The shame of it all! (insert smiling emoji)
Ol' Mel
Hey, Montana is a legal "grow your own" state. But you have to grow indoors and out of sight.
Joe reminds me of a young Marlon Brando! Handsome guy.
Fortunately, Joe didn't double in size like Marlon. I guess it's attributable to those good genes that are so hated by the left now.
I don't think Brando could tickle the ivories, either.
Coppola hired Brando for a huge sum - $3.5 million - to star in Apocalypse Now. Sight unseen. He was shocked when Brando showed up at his later in life huge size.