Introducing Myself

The author formerly known as "Ammo Grrrll" joins the PQ roster

Editor’s note: Today we’re delighted to welcome to PQ the Artist Formerly Known as ‘Ammo Grrrll,’ who really needs no introduction, but you know Susan: she’s too modest. We’re working on a derivative hieroglyphic for her like that other Minnesota treasure, Prince. Actually, Susan Vass will always be ‘Ammo Grrrll’ in our hearts, and starting today we’ll have an archive link to all her articles here in the banner at the top of the page called “The Ammo Line.” Her collected columns in book form are now also listed in the “Books & Swag” tab above, so why not stock up on a few of her legacy columns!

To welcome Susan to our page (where she’ll be reunited with her husband Max, and thus form a regular Thursday-Friday block each week), I’m running a special half-price subscription drive. For this weekend only, you can become a subscribing supporter of Political Questions for just $30 (the minimum price Substack will allow). As previously emphasized, there will be no “premium” subscriber-only content; becoming a paying subscriber is just a way to express support for our writers (especially Susan!), and also help underwrite Susan’s annual CommenterCon jamboree. (I think, by the way, that all existing subscribers can extend their subscriptions for a year for $30 under this offer, so act fact—offer ends Sunday night.)

And for those of you who subscribed at the regular $50 rate over the last 10 days since Susan announced her move here, not to worry. We’ve got you covered. For all of you who subscribed since last Friday, I’m going to extend your subscription for a second year, so that you effectively have signed on at today’s special discount rate. (I had to do this manually one at a time, and it is cumbersome. I may have missed a few, so if you subscribed in the last 10 days and I missed yours, let me know. And in fact it appears I may have inadvertently canceled a few subscriptions by accident!)

And now on to Susan.

—Steve

If you are reading this right here, right now, on this Political Questions Substack site, you might be looking for the brain-teasing erudition of the brilliant Professor Hayward, the rapier-sharp wit and banter of his decades-long intellectual sparring partner, Lucretia; the madcap humor of Anthony “Hates Mayo” Lucido; or possibly the labyrinthian connections from polymath Max Cossack.

Prepare to be disappointed.

My name is Susan Vass; my nickname is Ammo Grrrll because I spent several hours a day for two years standing in line in search of scarce ammo during the 2012-14 Obama Ammo Drought. When I first appeared on the scene, some people assumed I knew a lot about guns. But the sad truth was that, although I am a very good shot, what I mostly knew how to do was stand in lines. If you need anyone to go to the DMV for you, or hunt for toilet paper during another COVID-style shut-down, I’m your girl.

Unlike everyone else who writes here, I do not have any advanced academic degrees – neither Doctor of Philosophy nor Juris Doctor, like Max and Anthony Lucido. Not even a pathetic and possibly purloined Ed.D. like Dr. Jill.

The comedy dynamic duo of Anthony (Who Hates Mayo) Lucido and ‘Ammo Grrrll”.

I have read Dr. Jill’s unedited, unproofread “dissertation”, the highlight of which was a Truth Bomb that inadvertently called Affirmative Action-admitted students “undeserved.” Clearly, whoever wrote it meant to say the silly, meaningless word “under-served.” The only time I have been “under-served” was at one of those fancy French restaurants where you get a few tablespoons of food for $150, beautifully presented in the center of a yuuge plate and drizzled with Mango-Chutney-Kale Reduction around the edges of the plate.

Who but an AWFL trust fund baby or an Entitled DEI Grievance Clinger believes that he or she deserves to be “served,” anyway? If nobody deserves to be “served,” then he or she cannot be “under” served.

Anyway, returning to topic, If I were Dr. Jill, I would SWEAR on a stack of Bibles that it was plagiarized rather than take ownership of that smallish pile of drivel. But that’s just me.

So, intellectual challenge is all well and good. But, as the Bible says: “Man cannot live by bread alone,” and that especially applies to people following a strict KETO diet regimen. Women also cannot live by cake alone, though many of us have tried.

No! Sometimes a person feels like engaging with the brilliant musings of the previously-mentioned “wicked smaht” contributors and commenters. And sometimes, a person would just like to relax and congratulate himself or herself on finally comprehending something that was being discussed.

THIS is where I come in!

A former night-shift typesetter, I am the proud holder of a Bachelor of Arts in the challenging, largely made-up field of Speech-Communication – a degree I eventually earned from a 5^th tier Community College that met mostly in church basements.

And that coveted credential was earned some 18 years after high school graduation, after burning through two previous institutions of higher learning (Northwestern University and The University of Minnesota). I successfully majored in the first instance in my Mrs. Degree and at the U of M, I majored largely in “Withdrawal” and “Incomplete.”

Metro State University, my ultimate alma mater, prided itself on being a “University Without Walls.” (Or as we say now “a university experiencing wall-lessness”). It was begun as a two-year Upper Division option for people like me who had hundreds of random credits that never quite added up either to a Degree or even a Major. Forget “ivy-covered” walls and hallowed halls! You will meet at the “Y” and the “JCC” and you will like it! Walls are highly over-rated as the tens of thousands of long-term campers in San Francisco have discovered.

I have to toot my own horn just a bit by saying that I am one of the few people I know who actually USED her non-STEM Degree to earn a living. I was chosen to give a little talk to the teachers and staff on what finally earning a degree meant to me. A favorite teacher came up to me afterwards and said, “You have a great sense of timing. You should try standup comedy.”

And so, I did. By the grace of God, I was hired at a prominent comedy club in the Twin Cities the very first time I tried out on Open Stage. And made a fine living at it for some 30 years from the early 80s to about 2012, give or take. It turned out I was born to be self-employed – and employers had asked me to become so on numerous occasions.

Once, I was asked to give a presentation at the synagogue attended by Power Line entrepreneur, attorney, and awesome political writer, Scott Johnson. We met socially a few times after that. He remembered me when many years later (2014), I sent him a column on spec on what a shock it was to move from Minnesota “The State Where Absolutely Nothing Is Allowed” to gun-friendly Arizona.

He posted it three minutes later on what happened to be a Friday. And for the next 12 years’ worth of Fridays, I wrote a humor column for Power Line. It was absolutely one of the highlights of my life and – with the help of a small army of regular commenters – we created a vibrant, welcoming community of co-thinkers and friends. I feel profound and eternal gratitude to the Power Line Boys for that opportunity.

Though people love gossip and scandal, coming over to PQ has nothing whatsoever to do with “protest” or unhappiness or ingratitude and everything to do with just wanting a chance to get in on more of a start-up situation. And maybe stretch my humor chops just a little.

And so, here I am. For the discouraged, the “under-happy,” those who might feel alone, I hope to continue to bring the light take and community spirit that were my trademark at Power Line. I also hope eventually to encourage favorite commenters and friends to join us. Again, not to encourage them in any way to abandon Power Line (as I will not), but to add PQ to their daily repertoire! You’re going to love these commenters. Many favorites are already here.

I also take a certain guilty pleasure in sticking it to F. Scott Fitzgerald, a snotty rich guy who dissed Americans by saying, “There are no Second Acts in American life.” Well, guess what, F. S. Marie Vass disagrees. This is at least Act Eight for me, including Kid, Student, Wife, Mother, Foster Mother, Comedian, Columnist and now Long-Form Humorous Essayist, so neener, neener.

I am very proud and happy to have been invited to join such an August group of writers, particularly in October (rim shot!). It’s going to be a lot of fun.

And, to quote singer-songwriter, Cyndi Lauper, “Grrrlls just wanna have fun.” This is but one small example of the kind of hip, current references you can expect from me. Ms. Lauper is now 72, though still several years younger than I am. Life is short. I will strive mightily to help you enjoy it!

Seriously folks: How often do you see Fitzgerald paired with Cyndy Lauper? Only here on PQ!

Postscript from Steve:

One more thing: For Susan’s loyal commenters who like to post memes and such in the threads, one of the things on my very long to-do list is figure out a way to enable it. Normal Substack settings don’t allow it, unfortunately, but there may be a clever workaround to be fixed up somehow.